Blah Tuesday

It's only Tuesday and already it's been a rough week. Today, I found myself thinking about what's going on with me and wondering if this is really my life or just a funk phase I'm going through. I don't mean for this to sound like my life is horrible and I have nothing in the world -- far from it -- but it's just something that I don't like what I see.

(Hahahahaha... No, that isn't my ass, but the picture made me laugh and helped me to cheer up. How freaking funny!)

Granted, a great deal of this is coming from the meds. The side effects are horrible, but now that it's actually helping a little bit I don't know if it's worth just dealing with. Depression. Check. Anxiety attacks. Check. Losing interest in activities. Check. Muscle weakness. Check. Mood swings. Check. Memory loss. Check. See, this list isn't a good one and making my life not how I always envisioned my 20's to be.

I dread most of my social activities. I hurt too much to work out, and frankly, I don't really feel like it anyway. My mood swings are something else, and these anxiety attacks come out of no where and really scare me. The memory loss is effecting my work, and my career is very important to me. Sometimes I can't say a word correctly and it's like my tongue is all tied up. My balance is still off, but at the moment, that's the least of my worries.

As I'm writing this I'm thinking, "well, duh. How hard of a decision is this? Clearly the long list of side effects aren't worth it." But... I had a couple of weeks with the least amount of pain I've had since the ordeal started. Seeing it written out doesn't seem like much. But, it's more than you'll ever know.

Anyway. That underwear picture really made me laugh and I'm actually feeling better already. I'd erase this whole blog, but I want to use the picture and nothing really exciting happened to me today. Now I just have to get some of the days of the week underwear. I looked online and this set costs $70.00. That's $10 each day. No way!!!! I think I'll stick to my VS's.