At the end of May, I moved out of my apartment. It didn't make sense to not have a steady income and pay for an apartment. Packing up my apartment was the usual pain -- I hate packing! But, this time it was a little different. My mind was running... more than I realized. Not only did I have time to think on my morning runs, but I had all day by myself, packing, to think, too. A few days before the big move, JP came home to me in the middle of boxes and mentally exhausted. Through stress and pure exhaustion, I had a little break down.
I was afraid I was losing my independence. Sure, there was the usual (or what I assume is normal) nervous feelings of getting married. Moving in together, changing my name and merging our lives together more than they are now . But, in this situation I had to move out of my own apartment early because I had to move. I'm more dependent on my family and JP because I have to be. This society is so focused on who we are by what we do, and right now I'm at a loss when someone asks, "So, what do you do?"
JP talked me off the ledge (yet another reason why I love him) and reassured me that I'm still a strong, independent woman and that's why he fell in love with me. But, our relationship is changing and we will both need to adjust. (Then, he took me out to our favorite sushi place. Yet another reason why I love him!)
After my little breakdown, I enjoyed my morning runs even more. It really gave me time to think things through and figure out what my game plan was going to be. Running is definitely my outlet and this time it taught me that I can still be independent as I figure out what to do in the next chapter of my life.