Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Pity Party

I know I've been complaining a lot, but it's my blog and I can do what I want to do.

Last night ended up being a big pity party for myself. I didn't workout and indulged myself in carbs... the really good kind. Olive Garden breadsticks.

My last meeting of the day was a planning meeting. Planning for programs in the future. The future, where I will not be doing this job. The fact that I'm going to be unemployed sucks, but seeing dates and projects on paper and realizing that I'm not going to be involved past page one, struck me in the face like a ton of bricks. Shit. I'm not going to be working on all of these great projects. The projects that are what make my job fun and what we've all ben looking to while we're in the limbo state. Wow. This blows.

Heading home, I called JP to give him a status update (on the road, heading to the gym, what do you want for dinner call). Instead, I ended up bawling. With tears streaming down my face, I just went home.

He's the greatest and didn't want me to have to cook. So, I could pick anywhere I wanted to go. (Which started a whole other round of crying since I felt guilty for not cooking when we (really, I) shouldn't be spending any money unless absolutely necessary). I was ready to eat my weight in breadsticks, so Olive Garden it was.

I find comfort in food, so this gorge was just what I needed. Now, I know emotional eating isn't healthy -- mentally or physcially -- but I couldn't have cared less at the moment. This morning I felt blah for not going to the gym, but quickly stopped beating myself up about it.

Meetings this morning were just as bad, and I actually had to discreetly wipe away a tear as we were talking about some future stuff. Seriously, I should have just stayed in bed. (Not that that is healthy either...).

Currently, I'm drinking a diet Coke (which I never do) and wishing it were a beer. (Which is actually my FB status right now! Ha!) Hoping to get to the gym tonight, but might not make it if we're going to make it to church tonight for Ash Wednesday. Guess I'll have to decide which needs more attention - my soul or my muscles. ;)


Jess said...

Sometimes you have a breadstick-sized sorrow to fill, and that's okay!

Unknown said...

Sorry you're feeling so blue. I understand how unsettling it must be planning for projects that you won't be there for.

Sometimes I find exercise to be good for both the body and soul. You might find a happy medium somewhere this evening. But you can always go to the gym tomorrow.

Rebecca said...

i agree.. been there done that. do what you need to get through right now.

not only did we have more layoffs today, but it was between a coworker and i... i made it through but oh god, it was horrible knowing she has to train me the next two days.

oh, and did i mention we received paycuts as well? it had been rumored to be up to 10%. we cheered when we found out it was only 3%.

all i can say is... we'll get through this slump.. one way or another. who knows... you still may get called back.. stay positive!!

teacherwoman said...

Sorry your feeling down... I am thinking this weather and everything else is affecting us all!

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